


A risk he's willing to take

by bella_af



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, fersali, marsali POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24252004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bella_af/pseuds/bella_af
Summary: basically a re-imagining of Outlander but from Marsali's perspective. Based more on the TV series and filled in the gaps how I imagine they would go. Also with a less antagonistic relationship between Marsali and Claire from the get-go.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Fergus Fraser/Marsali McKimmie Fraser
Comments: 7
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic so don't judge too harshly. Just noticed there weren't too many Fergus and Marsali fics and I love the characters in the show so this is how I imagine their relationship in the scenes we don't get too much of. Also a few direct scenes from the show with some minor changes coming up in later chapters.  
> I've got quite a few chapters written so let me know if you reckon it's worth posting some more!

There he was, just standing there, back after months of being gone as if nothing had even happened. He wasn’t my real Da, but he was more of a father to me than my real one ever had been. His eyes lit up as he saw me and Joanie coming back in from the garden and he put his arms out wide as Joanie realised who it was, and she started running down the path.

“My girls,” he said in that deep, lilting voice of his, “How I’ve missed ye both.”

“Da.” I threw my arms around him with tears in my eyes, happy to know he was safe.

He was always off on some dangerous adventure or other – trouble seemed to follow Jamie Fraser wherever he went – and so he would often be gone for weeks, sometimes months at a time.  
He had married Ma out of pity. He knew her from long ago when she had still lived at Lallybroch. She used to love him them, but to him she was just a silly young girl with a crush. So, he had married another woman. A Sassenach. But after the battle of Culloden and years of imprisonment he had returned without her. Told everyone she was dead. And Ma was all alone with me and Joanie to raise so he had taken pity on all of us. 

He was kind though, and I think he has come to love me and wee Joanie and we both love having a Da who dinna beat us when he’s been at the whiskey like my real Da used to.

He pulled back from the hug to look at both of us. “Is ye mother here lassies? There’s something she need ken.”

“No, Da. She’s gone to the village, but she’ll be home before too long.” I noticed the wary look in his eyes, almost nervous, as I told him.

“Why? What does she need ken?” I asked.

He hesitated at that and remembered wee Joanie was there. 

“Here Joanie, take these inside and see if ye remember how to make that bread I showed ye last time.” He passed her a basket with flour and milk in it and pushed her to go inside.

It was only then that I looked around and noticed that Da’s French lad, Fergus was standing over near the horses. I ken him from when I was a wee lassie and first met Da at Broch Tuarach. We used to all play together with the Murray children back in the days when Da had come back from prison. He was a few years older than me and I remember thinking how handsome he was and how brave when he lost his hand making sure the red coats wouldn’a find Da. And I had blessed him every day since then. If not for his bravery they would have killed Jamie and he would never have become our Da.  
But now it was a few years later and I was a young woman of eighteen and he was even taller now and so handsome with those sparkling blue eyes that had a glint of mischief in them and that mop of unruly dark curls that I just wanted to run my fingers through….

“Marsali?” Da said, bringing me out of my reverie.

I quickly turned my head away from Fergus so Da wouldn’a ken I was gawking at Fergus. That seemed to shake me out of my daze. Remembering what was going on I asked him again,  
“So, what did ye need to tell Ma?”

He looked pained, as if he dinna ken the words to tell me and he looked over to Fergus who had walked closer to us, as if to ask for his help. 

I turned to Fergus and couldn’a help myself,

“Oh, for the love of God, would one of ye just tell me what the bloody hell is going on that’s making the pair of ye look fit to soil yerselves!”

“Marsali,” Da said gently, reaching for my arm, “Claire’s alive.”


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn’a believe my ears. 

“But how? Ye told everyone she was dead! And what about Ma? What does this mean for us?” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “Does this mean you willna be our Da anymore?” I couldn’t help myself, but I didn’t want to lose Da.

He pulled me in for a strong, warm hug. His hugs always made me feel safe. 

“Oh lass, I’ll never not be ye Da.” 

And we both just stood there holding onto each other with tears in our eyes, somehow knowing this meant nothing would ever be the same again. 

But then I heard Joanie drop something in the house and I came back to the present and my practicality kicked in. 

“Right. Well, Ma will be home soon and ye best ken how to tell her that that Sassenach is back. Ye know she reckons she’s the devil, or at least a witch.” I laughed to myself at Ma’s foolish superstitions and brushed my hands down my apron, suddenly very aware of Fergus staring at me. 

Oh God, I thought to myself, my hair is a mess, I’ve been crying, and I’m covered in dirt from digging in the garden. What must he think of me? 

I looked up at him and caught him looking at me with such a soft look in his eyes I dinna ken what to make of it. He leant down to pick up the basket filled with eggs that I had put down when I’d seen Da. I smiled shyly at him and gestured for him to go into the house ahead of me. 

I had to start cooking before Ma got back and knew the best way to get everyone feeling a bit calmer was to put them to work. “Ok then. Da, ye help Joanie with the cooking, I’ll go get some wood to get the fire started and Fergus, ye can come help me carry the wood.”

He looked sort of taken aback for a moment and I realised maybe I had spoken out of turn. People often told me I was too outspoken for a lass and that I shouldna have a mind of my own, but I was always one to just do what needed to be done. 

Da had noticed this brief interaction and chuckled from across the room. “Dinna fash lassie. Fergus just isn’a used to a wee thing like yerself telling everyone what to do. None of his lassies in France were ever like ye, Marsali.”

Fergus blushed furiously at that and shot Da a glare. “There were never that many lassies, milord.” He said with a quick glance at me. “But it’s true that none of them were like Marsali.”  
With that, he grabbed the firewood basket from next to the front door and strode out of the house. 

I dinna ken what to make of that small interaction and couldn’a help but share a laugh with Da as I chased Fergus out into the yard.

“Fergus! Wait!” I was still laughing as I caught his arm. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. I won’t think any less of ye reputation.” I teased him with a big grin on my face.   
But then all of a sudden, he looked down at me with such a serious look on his face that my grin immediately fell from my face and instead I was left a bit breathless.

“It isn’t what you think of my reputation that I’m worried about.” He said in that beautiful accent of his. “It’s what you will think of my character.”

A sort of quiet sadness seemed to fill him as he started filling up the basket with wood and I realised that something deeper was at play here. Something a bit beyond my understanding, but if it was in my power to offer him some assurance or some friendship then I would. 

I stopped him by grabbing his arm again and pulling him up to look me in the face. “Fergus. You ken well I think ye one of the bravest, most honourable men I know. Except for Da, of course.” I finished with a small smile and grabbed the wooden prosthetic he had in place of a hand and stopped him from pulling it away from me. Staring into his eyes I mustered all the sincerity I could. “There aren’t many men I know who would have done what you did for Da, and even less boys. Nothing ye could do would ever change that and I thank God everyday that ye saved him.” 

At this point I had tears in my eyes, thinking about all the things that could have been – how different my life would have been if not for this beautiful, brave French man. 

His breath hitched in his throat at my speech and he seemed as if he was about to say something more but from the sounds of it, Ma had gotten home and Da had told her his news. 

At the noise of Ma’s shouting, both Fergus and I forgot the firewood and the conversation we had just had and ran inside to stop Ma before she killed Da right in front of wee Joanie.


	3. Chapter 3

After lots of tears and havering and swearing Ma had finally calmed down and Fergus and Da had left to go back to Broch Tuarach where they were staying. Where Claire was. Joanie dinna understand what was going on but was scared that she would never see Da again, just like I had been. So, I calmed her down and put her to sleep before breathing in deep to go and talk with Ma. She was sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands, not moving. 

“Ma?” I quietly asked, not wanting to shock her from wherever she had gone to in her head. 

She just shook her head, still not looking at me. “I dinna think that English ‘hoor would ever be back to haunt me.” Tears filled her eyes again.

“Ma. What happened between ye and Claire? What did she do to ye that makes you hate her so much? It cannae have been just that Da loved her and not ye.”

I couldn’t believe that Ma would hold this much hatred for so many years for a woman who simply had something that she never did. It wasn’t like her at all to be so jealous and angry. 

“No Marsali. It’s not what she did to me, you ken?” She stopped before she uttered the next bit, finally looking at me, “It’s what I did to her.” Now she stood up and was walking around the room, as if she couldn’a bare to sit still. 

“All those years ago. Oh Marsali, I’m so ashamed I cannae barely speak it.” I had never seen her so distressed and it was starting to worry me.

“Ma! Ma, come sit down.” I grabbed her hands and pulled her down to a seat, crouching in front of her.

She looked at me with so much love and sadness in her eyes, bringing her hand up to cup my cheek. “Oh, my good wee lass. My beautiful Marsali. I dinna ken if ye’ll ever look at me with those same eyes again if ye ken what I did.” But then something seemed to resolve itself in her face as she was staring at me. “But yer a strong lass and ye’ll not rest till ye know and I’d rather I tell ye than ye hear it from someone else.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, almost as if she couldn’a bare to look at me while she told me her darkest secret.

“I was just a young lass, ye see? Not much younger than ye are now. And Jamie was so handsome, and I loved him so much. But he dinna see me. Not when that Sassenach came to Lallybroch. He was so smitten with her and she dinna even ken it. It made me so angry. So, I told everyone she was a witch, that she could heal people because she spoke with demons. That I’d seen her do it.” And she started sobbing again at this point, “She was tried as a witch and almost killed. All because I was a jealous wee lass.”

I pulled back, letting her hands slide from mine. I didn’t know what to make of it. That wasn’t the woman I knew. That wasn’t my Ma. How could she? An innocent woman was almost killed because of her.   
I took a deep breath and looked down at her where she was still sitting and sobbing. 

“Ye’re my Ma, and ye ken I love ye, but,” I paused here, gathering my thoughts, “I don’t blame Da for wanting to be with Claire. He loves her Ma and you tried to take her away from him. Don’t stand in their way a second time now that she’s come back to him.”

I needed to be alone and think for a while, so I went outside. Would I ever look at Ma the same way again? Maybe she was right in not wanting to tell me. I still loved her, and I knew I always would but how could she have been so cruel. I ken we all do foolish things when we’re young but I couldn’a even imagine myself doing something so cruel to someone who dinna deserve it. 

I realised I was unconsciously wandering up the road towards Broch Tuarach. Maybe I wanted to see Da and talk to him. Maybe I wanted to see Claire. I had never met the woman, but I wanted to see the one who had managed to keep hold of Da’s heart so strongly all these years. It had been almost 20 years since Culloden. I wasn’t looking where I was going in the courtyard outside the Fraser-Murray home and suddenly felt a strong hand grip my shoulder to stop me bumping into them. I looked up and was staring into Fergus’ confused face.

“Marsali!” he looked so worried. I suppose it had gotten quite dark already. “What are you doing here? Is everything alright? Did something happen to your mother?” He had taken my hand and was pulling me towards the house, but I resisted.

“No. She’s fine. Everyone’s fine.” But despite my words, I couldn’t stop the tears leaking from my eyes. I felt betrayed by my own body. I wanted so badly to be strong in all this, but I was feeling so confused.

“What’s wrong then? Why did you come all this way in the dark?” We were sitting next to each other on the steps now and I wanted so badly just to lean into him and let my tears flow freely.

“Ma told me what she did to Claire all those years ago and I couldn’a stand to look at her. I needed to get out of there.”

Only now did I look to see his reaction. I could tell from his look of sympathy that this was an aspect of Da’s past that he knew all about. 

My voice went so quiet. “I just don’t understand how she could have done that. How she could have been so cruel? That’s not my Ma.”

At that, he hesitantly put his arm around my shoulders. “Marsali, she was young then. Younger than you are now. Yes, it was a horrible thing, but we must let the past be the past. I know milady has forgiven her and milord loves you and Joan as his own children. You must also try to forgive her.” 

I shook my head at that. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to reconcile what I knew of my mother with what I had learnt of her - if I could leave the past in the past, as Fergus said.   
He took his arm from my shoulder and instead grabbed my hand, entreating me to look at him.

“Ma Cherie, you are a strong woman. I know you can do this.”

I didn’t know what he has said in French but the look in his eyes made me feel as if I could do anything. So, I nodded and wiped the tears from my face and suddenly felt a lot more like myself.   
Standing up, I looked up to Fergus where he was still sitting on the top step of the front landing.

“Thank ye Fergus. That was just what I needed to hear.” I gave him a small lopsided smile. Daring to dredge up the past I told him what I was feeling. “It’s nice that ye’re here again after all these years. I hope we can maybe be friends like we were when ye were here last time.”

He gave a little chuckle at that, coming to stand in front of me. “Maybe not quite like last time. I can’t imagine chasing after another loose pig with all the grown-up Murray children now, us coming home all covered in mud and getting a clip on the ears from Mistress Murray.”

I laughed at the memory of that day. Someone had forgotten to latch the pig pen properly and old Betty the sow had gotten free. We all had such a laugh trying to get her back in the pen but ended up just falling in the mud again and again before she finally went back to her piglets. 

“Aye. If I remember correctly my mother was none too happy with me before a wee French lad tried to convince her that I had nothing to do with it and that I just happened to be walking past when I got knocked into the mud.”

I was still laughing when he reached up to brush a piece of my hair that had gotten loose behind my ear, making my breath catch for the second time that day. 

“Well, someone had to look out for you, Marsali. You were always so busy looking after everyone else.” 

I felt like I was frozen there, just staring into his eyes. Thankfully he broke the tension before I could make myself look even more foolish and said, “Come on then, I’d best walk you back home before your mother starts to worry too much.”

And we walked back to my house under the moonlight and somehow, I felt ten times lighter and happier than I had in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bit of a shorter, filler chapter. Enjoy!

Life had mostly gone back to normal. Following Fergus’ advice, I decided to talk to Ma and let her know that I could forgive her for what she did when she was sixteen. And she managed to make peace with Claire and Da. Ned Gowan told us all that seeing as Claire had never died, Da’s marriage to Ma had never been legal. Despite all that, Da kept reassuring me and Joanie that this dinna mean he wasn't our Da anymore- that he would always be there to look after us no matter what.

So, we had all been gotten used to living together in some amount of harmony, Claire and Da at Broch Tuarach and me and Joanie at home with Ma. I still saw Fergus every now and then as well but him and Da were always off somewhere on some business, although what kind of business I dinna ken and wasn’t sure I wanted to.

It was end of harvest which meant what it did every year – the Murray’s held a big feast to celebrate the year’s harvest. There would be dancing and drinking and feasting and I was finally old enough to wear one of Ma’s old dresses with a corset. Us MacKimmie lassies looked forward to it every year. There was nothing wee Joanie loved more than when I would do her hair up all pretty and we would dance until our feet were so sore that the ache the next day would bring back fond memories of the night before. 

“Oh Marsali, ye look so bonnie.” Ma was grinning at my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing an old pale pink dress of hers with beautiful little flowers embroidered into it and a matching ribbon to hold my long, golden hair back. I had never felt so beautiful and turned around to grin at Ma.

“Thankye Ma! Can ye believe I can finally wear a corset? But good God, if anyone had told me before how painful they are I wouldn’a been in such a hurry to get into one!”

Ma laughed and adjusted my sleeves before pinching my cheeks. “And that’s why the good lord gave us whiskey.” She whispered with a smirk as if it was a mischievous secret. “Ye have a few whiskeys Marsali and then you won’t ken that the corset is stopping ye from breathing.”

We both laughed at that but then she grabbed my hands and earnestly said, “Do have fun tonight though, love. Ye’ve earned it, working so hard and sewing all year to help pay for the house. I ken ye’re just a young lass but ye’re clever and strong and ye’ve got Jamie’s stubbornness too so no doubt ye’d have a fun night even if I told ye ye couldn’t.”

I gave her a cheeky grin and said to her “Well I suppose I’d best make up my mind to have a good night then.” And with that we all left to go to the party at Broch Tuarach, wee Joanie holding and swinging my hand all the way there, while we sang as loudly as we could, every few steps dissolving into fits of giggles. Tonight would be a good night.


	5. Chapter 5

Everyone was in high spirits. The whiskey had been flowing freely all night and now that I was old enough, Ma was letting me have more than a few sips. A sort of pleasant feeling came about me after my first couple of glasses. I felt sort of heavy and light at the same time and found that I was dancing a bit more freely, a bit more carelessly. Young Ian, one of the younger Murray children, was spinning me round and round while a reel was boisterously being played. We were both laughing and clapping in time to the music while other couples danced around us. Young Ian was one of my best friends here at Broch Tuarach and was almost like a brother to me. We were about the same age and had grown up together and for the last few years at these parties, liked to steal sips of other people’s whiskey when they weren’t looking and see who could make the other dance the silliest.

The song came to an end and we both stopped our spinning, holding onto each other’s arms to keep from falling over. I had stopped spinning, but the room was still going round and round we both agreed silently that maybe we needed a moment away from the dancing. 

“Ye’re drunk, Marsali.” Ian teased me.

I pushed him away, making him stumble and we both laughed. 

“No, I ain’t! I’m just pleasantly tipsy, I’ll have ye know.” I said, putting on a posh accent that had us both in fits of laughter again.

“Well ye may not be drunk but I ken someone who’s drunk on his love of ye.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

My mouth fell open in shock and disbelief. “What the bloody hell are ye talking about, ye fool. Ain’t no one here who’d look twice at me with my havering and unladylike manners.” I was exaggerating all my movements and shouting my words to make Ian laugh again and to make my point.

“Aye, there is! But I’ll not tell who” he was cheekily smirking at me now

“Ach, Ian, ye’re impossible. There ain’t nothing ye could say to make me think there’s a man here who could ever fall in love with Marsali MacKimmie.” I said with a big flourish of my arms. 

My swinging arm came into contact with something – or someone – solid and strong behind me just as I finished my announcement. I stumbled to turn around and see who I had managed to hit and of course it was none other than Fergus. I hadn’t seen him all night and he appears when I’m havering about how uncouth and unmarriable I am. I heard guffaws from young Ian behind me so I threw him a deathly stare which only served to make him laugh more. Fergus also had a look of amusement twinkling in his eyes, catching my arm to keep me from falling over. 

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to dance but now, I’m worried you won’t be able to stay on your feet long enough.” 

The audacity of this man! But I couldn’t stop my lips from pulling into a big grin. “Fergus. Are ye teasing me? A poor young lass who may or may not have had one too many whiskeys thanks to her mischievous cousin?”

He pretended mock outrage. “Me? I would never do such a thing, especially not to Marsali MacKimmie.” Now he had a fond smile on his face. “So, will you dance with me?”

Rather than answering him I just grabbed his hand and pulled him along with me. Before I knew it, I could feel his solid wooden hand coming around my waist while his other hand held mine strongly in his. I couldn’t believe how much I liked this. How safe I felt with his arms around me. Then the dancing began in earnest and we were pulled apart, and back together, and apart once more as the movements took us spinning around the room. Everyone was singing along as well while they were dancing, the words getting more and more bawdy as the song wore on. I couldn’t help but grin like a madwoman up at Fergus every time the dance brought me back into his arms. 

All too soon the song had finished, and I was sure that the look of disappointment on Fergus’ face was reflected in mine. We stood there where we had stopped our dance, staring into each other’s eyes maybe a bit longer than was appropriate and for a moment I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was possible that Fergus was feeling for me some of what I felt for him. But before I had the chance to push it any further, wee Joanie came running up to us and grabbed Fergus’ hand, declaring that it was her turn to dance with “the most handsome French man she had ever seen”. 

I couldn’t help but laugh at that and say to Joanie “I’m sure Fergus is the ONLY French man you’ve ever seen.” 

Joanie giggled and just kept tugging on his hand while Fergus looked across to me. Teasingly he said, “Oh so I am not up to your standard of ‘handsome French men’?”.

Feeling bold – and also more than a bit tipsy – I reached up and patted him on the cheek, pulling a pretend sad face at him. “Ohhh what’s the matter? Did I hurt the pretty French man’s feelings?” 

But Joanie would not be ignored anymore and had pulled him into his second dance with a MacKimmie lass for the evening. 

I watched them dancing together from the edge of the room, taking the time to have a breath of air and clear my head a little. I smiled to myself as I saw how patient and gentle Fergus was with wee Joanie and how dotingly she looked up at him as he spun her around to the music. More than once I saw Fergus looking into the hall, searching for someone and it was only when his eyes came to rest on me, and he gave me a huge, beautiful grin that I noticed who he had been looking for. It made me warm all over to think about and I decided I quickly needed to sneak outside to get some fresh air and cool down. 

I was sitting out on the steps that led into the courtyard when, not too much later, I heard the door open and close behind me. Someone came and sat beside me. 

“She’s a little fiery one, that Joan.” I heard Fergus say to me with a smile in his voice.

“Aye.” I replied looking across to him. “She takes after her big sister.” I joked but he didn’t laugh. 

Something felt different between us all of a sudden. It felt as if his eyes were looking over every part of me at the same time and I couldn’t help but feeling vulnerable and exposed but instead of feeling nervous like I maybe should have, I found I liked it. Finally, his eyes settled on mine.

“Did I tell you yet how beautiful you look tonight, Marsali?”

Had I been more sober, I may have found it difficult to respond but the whiskey gave me a little extra boldness that I didn’t know I had needed.

“No ye dinna, but now that ye have it doesn’a mean I couldn’a stand to hear it again.” I gave him a smile that I think mirrored the soft way he was staring at me now.

“Marsali?” He whispered my name, little more than a breath. 

“Yes Fergus?” By now I noticed that our faces had unknowingly moved towards each other and his hand was on my waist. I could feel his breath on my lips as he said his next words.

“What would you do if I was to kiss you right now?” His eyes looked more hopeful than I had ever seen them.

I tried to ponder this for a moment but found I was suddenly incapable of forming coherent thoughts beyond the next 10 seconds.

“I would kiss you back.”

As soon as the words had left my mouth, I could feel Fergus’ lips press against mine. His hand came up to my cheek, trying to hold my lips to his beautifully soft ones. I could feel his wooden hand pressing into my back and when I could think, I found that all I could think about was how I wanted to feel more of that. More of him. Just – more. So, I pressed my lips further into his and deepened our kiss. Suddenly I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip, teasing it, asking permission to enter. It made me gasp – it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Of course, I had kissed lads before but that was a quick peck behind the chicken shed so Ma couldn’t see, or foolish fumbling in the kitchens of Broch Tuarach with the kitchen boy as we were both discovering kissing for the first time. This was different. And when I gasped his tongue brushed against mine, making me moan.

It was as if that noise brought him to his senses and suddenly his lips were gone from mine. His forehead pressed against mine and I opened my eyes to find his already staring at me. We were both trying to calm our breathing after what had just happened. 

His thumb was rubbing against my cheek as if he thought I was precious and made of porcelain. I couldn’t help but grin at him as if all my feelings were just bubbling over and I felt unbelievably happy when he grinned back.

Fergus moaned as if in annoyance and pulled away from me, leaving me staring at him in confusion.

“Sorry ma Cherie, but if I didn’t stop then I’m not sure that I would have been able to stop at all.” The roguish smile he gave me sent shivers all the way to my toes. I felt warm and yet, at the same time, chilled all over. I loved that smile – I had only ever see him use it with me when I had done something particularly daring or mischievous. It was as if he didn’t want to smile but couldn’t help the admiration he felt for me from showing through just a little.

I frowned up at him though as he stepped further back. “Did ye ken that maybe I dinna want ye to stop?” Feeling bold, I stepped into his space and raised my lips to the corner of his mouth, trying to entice another kiss from him. 

“No, no – I’m sorry – I cannot. Not like this. Not with you, here.”

When his words registered, I abruptly stopped, feeling hurt and ashamed. Of course, he didn’t want me like that. He had his gorgeous French women who knew what they were doing. He just wanted a quick kiss in the courtyard to pass the time at a boring Scottish harvest party. 

Seeing the hurt on my face Fergus immediately realised his mistake and grabbed both of my hands with his, bringing one up to his lips. 

“Oh, my dear Marsali, I didn’t mean it like that.” He looked genuinely worried, as if I wouldn’a be able to understand the point he was trying to make.

“Well what did ye mean then?” Crossing my arms in front of me.

He seemed almost at a loss for words and then all of a sudden was blurting out something about not kissing me for the first time in secret – as if he was ashamed – but that we should be courting – he needed to ask my Ma – and what about milord? And more such nonsense before I managed to shut him up with another kiss. 

“Did ye not stop to think to ask me what I ken about all this?”

That seemed to bring him back to his senses. 

“Oh of course Marsali! You know how much I respect you. I think the world of you and I just want to do right by you. I have ever since that day I came back with milord and saw you there – so beautiful – I couldn’t believe it was you – the same girl I used to play with all those years ago. But it was you. You were still the same. It was as if nothing had changed and yet, everything had changed. My feelings were so changed but I knew I couldn’t say anything because of milord. And your mother – what would she think having me court you? An orphan boy, born in a brothel with a whore for a mother. Pickpocketing to make a living until milord and milady saved me.”

During this whole speech I just stood there not believing what I was hearing. How could he think he wasn’t good enough for me? I was shocked and so I grabbed his hands and stood looking up into his eyes, hoping all the feelings I had for him were clear on my face.

“Fergus. I dinna ken ye could be so daft.” I tried to coax a smile from him before continuing. “I’ve told ye before and I’ll tell ye again and again until ye believe it as much as I do. Ye’re the bravest, kindest man I’ve ever met, and I think I’ve loved ye ever since I’ve known what love is. I dinna care about yer past. Let the past stay in the past. I think some foolish French man said that to me once.” I teased him and he let out a small chuckle. “But ye ken well Fergus, there’s nothing ye could tell me about yer past that would make me love ye any less.” I paused and he didn’t seem as if he was going to say anything.

“Say something now, before I feel like I’ve made a drunken fool of myself, would ye?” I finished with a nervous laugh, not sure how he’d respond to my surprising outpouring of feelings.

His face became unbelievably soft, as if he couldn’t quite believe what I had just told him. Then his face lit up with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen from him and he picked me up in a hug, spinning us around the courtyard. 

“Oh Marsali! I didn’t let myself hope that you’d feel the same. I mean we’ve barely known each other as adults but I know what I feel in my heart is true. Will you allow me to court you?”

I was laughing at how formal he was being and also at how ecstatically happy I was.

“Of course! Ye may be a silly French man but now ye’re my silly French man.”

And we were kissing again and swaying, dancing to the music that was drifting on the breeze from the hall down into the courtyard. Neither of us could quite believe how happy we were feeling, and I didn’t want this moment to ever end. 

Life has a funny way of turning everything on its head just when it feels as if everything has finally fallen into place.


	6. Chapter 6

The few weeks after the party were like I was living in a dream. I decided that I dinna want to tell Ma or Jamie about me and Fergus right away. When Fergus protested, I told him I just wanted to get to know each other in this new way before anyone else could get involved and ruin it all. I found I could be more than a little persuasive when I managed to corner him on his own and steal a few kisses from him. When I did that, he looked at me as if he would agree to do anything I asked of him and knowing that gave me quite a heady feeling. 

Most of my days were still spent sewing and doing chores around the house but now Fergus and I would find more than a few excuses to be together either at Broch Tuarach or my house. He would come to see me under the guise of deliveries for Ma from Da. I told Ma that Mistress Murray had lots of sewing work that needed to be done before her new bairn arrived. We would of course find time to sneak off together, sometimes innocently talking about our secret hopes and dreams and sometimes not so innocently exploring each other. Fergus never let it get out of hand though and sometimes I cursed him for his self-control. More than once I would storm off in a huff, left feeling warm all over and when I got angry at him about it all he would say is that he wouldn’a do wrong by me and wouldn’a do anything to upset Da. 

I could ken that he was doing the right thing – the honourable thing – and of course that made me love him more but sometimes I just wish I could make him feel as crazy with lust for me as I felt for him.   
More than a few times I worried that it was because of his hand. Sometimes when we were in the midst of a particularly heated kiss and we’d get a bit carried away, he’d pull back in frustration if his wooden prosthetic got in the way, or accidentally bruised my side rather than the gentle caresses I’d receive from his other hand. It didn’t bother me at all – in fact I found it comforting when I’d feel the solid wood press into my side or my back, holding me to him – but I could see the disappointment and frustration at himself in his eyes.

“Sorry, mon Coeur.” He said to me after once such instance. I could already feel him withdrawing into himself. I hated seeing him like this. 

“It’s just,” he paused, trying to find the right words. “I get carried away when I’m with you – how could I not? But then I can’t hold you like I would like to; I can’t pull you in close enough and I worry that it’s not enough for you. That you deserve more. You deserve a whole man.” Now he wasn’t even looking at me and it broke my heart that this was how he saw himself. 

“Fergus, love, please look at me.” At my new term of endearment for him, one side of his mouth pulled up into a tiny smile and he lifted his eyes to look into mine. 

“You ken I dinna care about this.” I grabbed the prosthetic. “If anything, I love you all the more for it.” When I said that he looked confused, as if I couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. So, I tried my best to explain. “When I feel ye hand press into me, it reminds me of who you are. It feels special and unique – just like you – and every time I feel it I cannae help but think of what ye did to get it. How that is the only type of man I could ever love or will ever love. So, you ken well, Fergus, it dinna make me shrink away in disgust or make me pity ye for what ye lost. It makes me so grateful for who ye are and how lucky I am that yer here with me and that it’s ye, my beautiful French man, who loves me and naught else.”

I was talking so passionately and strongly that tears had welled in my eyes before I could stop them. I was so desperate for him to see himself the way that I did. 

Fergus put both of his strong arms around me and held me close. 

“Ah, ma Cherie. I don’t know what I ever did in my life to deserve your love but now that I have it, I’ll never let it go.” He pulled back and placed his hand under my chin, tilting my head to look up at him. “You, Marsali MacKimmie, are an exceptional woman.”

I grinned at that and couldn’a help but tease him to lighten both of our hearts a little.

“Aye, that I am. And ye’d ken well to never forget it, Fergus.”


	7. Chapter 7

The next day I was out in the garden, feeding the chickens, when I heard galloping hooves coming down the road towards the house at a worrying speed. Ma and Joanie had gone to the village to buy some supplies for the week, so I was here by myself. 

It was Fergus, flying at top speed down the road with an almost wild look on his face. He jumped off the horse before it had even come to a halt and spotted me running towards him. 

“Marsali!” He was out of breath, as if he’d run here from Broch Tuarach himself. 

“What is it, love? What’s happened?” I grabbed his arm, bringing him to a halt.

“Young Ian, they’ve taken him! Those putain.” He spat the last word and then started ranting and - I think– swearing in French. 

Confusion clouded my mind. “What? Who? Who’s taken him?” I was starting to panic now. I felt as if someone had grabbed my heart and was stopping it from beating.

Fergus managed to pull himself together enough to start telling me what had happened. He told me about the treasure Da had found years ago, and how he was going to go get it, but couldn’a swim far enough with his injured arm. So Young Ian had volunteered, wanting a chance to prove himself - that he wasn’t a wee lad anymore. Da and Claire had been watching from the shore when a three-mast frigate had docked. Using a spyglass, they watched as the sailors came onto the island and encountered Ian. They captured him and took him, kicking and struggling, onto the ship, sailing away to God knows where.   
“And now I have to leave with milord and milady, mon coeur.” Fergus cupped my cheek with so much grief in his eyes. 

“But how will ye ken where to go? Will ye even be able to catch up to them now?”

“Non, ma Cherie. But milord and milady have been to the docks and have found out that the ship with Young Ian aboard will most likely be sailing to Jamaica. We are packing our things and leaving today. We must do all we can to rescue him.” He grabbed my hands and pulled me into a hug. “I just couldn’t leave you without saying goodbye.”

My head was spinning. I was feeling so many things at once – worry for Young Ian, sadness for Master and Mistress Murray, anger at not being able to do anything to help. And my heart was breaking that Fergus would be leaving and I dinna ken when I would see him again. Then suddenly I made up my mind.

“I’m coming with ye.” And I walked into the house to start packing my things, leaving Fergus on his own in the garden, stunned into silence.

When he finally registered what I had just said, he chased after me and grabbed my arm, spinning me around, forcing me to look at him. “Non, Marsali. Cherie, it is too dangerous. It will be a long, hard journey. Not to mention what could happen to a young woman aboard a vessel on her own.” A darkness seemed to fill his eyes at even the thought. “Non, I cannot let you do this.”

“Let me?” At that I was outraged. “Fergus. You ken I know my own mind. I willna be on my own. You’ll be there and Da and Claire. And if ye think I’m just to sit here sewing and cooking while God knows what happens to Ian then ye’re not the man I thought ye were.”

I continued my packing, not wanting to look at him now, tears welling in my eyes. “If ye willna help me then the least ye can do is promise not to tell Da until we’ve left port. I ken he’ll just take me off the ship if he knows.”

I heard him sigh behind me. “Very well. I know when you’ve made up your mind to do something there’s nothing I, or anyone, could do to stop you. So please allow me to help you instead?” He spoke so softly and when I turned to look at him, I felt so much relief that he knew me so well. 

I immediately ran into his arms, as much to reassure myself as him. After a moment, Fergus pulled back to look at me. It seemed as if he had come to some sort of resolution.

“But please, let me do one thing for you?” He looked so desperate that I couldn’a find it in me to refuse him. I waited for what came next. “Please Marsali, will you be my wife?”

I was so shocked. That had been the last thing I was expecting at a time like this. 

He continued, trying to explain himself. “You know I love you more than anything, mon Coeur, and if you insist on coming with us at least let me offer you this protection. I want to be married to you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but I don’t want you to think I’m just asking now out of a sense of duty. Please say you will?” He looked so worried that I might get angry or refuse him that I couldn’a help but to burst into laughter.

“Oh Fergus, love! Of course, I’ll marry ye!” I couldn’a believe how happy I felt at a time like this. But there we were, both grinning madly at each other and hugging and kissing.

We quickly came to our senses and remembered ourselves, packing my belongings as fast as we could. I could only take a couple of dresses with me and some smallclothes – which I blushed about when Fergus saw me pack them – so it dinna take long at all. 

It was all happening so fast I was trying to think of everything I had to do before I could leave. I left a letter for Ma and wee Joanie, explaining everything and hoping I would see them again before long. And I hoped more than anything Ma wouldn’a be too cross with me – not that that would stop me now. I allowed myself to feel sad for a brief moment. I had never been farther from home than to the village and I knew I would miss my family something fierce, but I was excited for the adventure ahead and anxious to find and bring Young Ian home. 

Fergus had noticed my sadness and came to stand beside me as I looked around my house. When he took my hand in his it reminded me that I wouldn’a be doing this alone and that soon we would be married. That gave me all the strength I needed to pick up my belongings before breathing in deep and striding out the door into a new chapter of my life, with my love at my side.


	8. Chapter 8

We arrived down on the docks before too long and found the Artemis – the ship that would be taking us to Jamaica. Fergus sorted everything out and our passage was paid for so we started to board the ship before Da and Claire would see me there. 

Fergus became overly protective as we walked amongst the men of the crew, some of whom threw wary glances at me – I suppose for the mere fact that I was a woman aboard a ship. The ones who weren’t so superstitious though were instead leering at me, making my skin crawl. I had been prepared for both of these reactions though and seeing them now in person only made me more determined to make sure they all knew how strong I was and that I wasn’a a lass who would easily be taken advantage of. 

I felt a tug on my hand as Fergus determinedly pulled me towards a man who I assumed – from the orders he was giving to the other sailors - was the Captain. 

“Captain Raines?” Fergus asked in his musical accent, getting the Captain’s attention. 

The Captain turned, eyeing us both up and down. I ken this was a man who had seen many hardships in his life and dinna seem that he would accept any nonsense aboard his vessel. “Aye, lad?” 

“We wish to be hand fast before the journey begins, Captain.” Fergus said, getting straight to the point. I guess he had also sensed the Captain’s intolerance of foolishness. “We were hoping you might be able to conduct the ceremony for us?”

He seemed to hesitate, and I could see in his face that he was on the cusp of refusing us. Maybe he thought if he didn’a do it then I wouldn’a be able to come on the journey and it would save him the trouble of having a woman aboard.

I felt the need to plead our case. “Please, sir. We’re not looking to cause any trouble. It was my cousin, Young Ian that was taken, ye see? And Fergus here has kindly agreed to offer me this protection so that I may come along and help find him. Ye see, I’m no a lassie who could bare to sit home idle while others were out looking for my kin.”

That seemed to almost impress the hardy Captain. His lips twerked up at one side in a wry smile. 

“Alright, alright, do not fret lass. We’ll do it quickly now if you can find some witnesses.” 

I panicked for a moment, floundering for who we could ask to bear witness, but of course Fergus had thought of everything. Gavin and Lesley were not far behind us and stepped forward when Captain Raines had mentioned witnesses. I grinned at both of them, suddenly realising how real and bizarre this all was. I was about to be hand fast to Fergus on a ship, in front of gruff sailors, in my everyday clothes and my pack under my arm. I couldn’a help but let out a laugh of disbelief at the absurdity of it all. Fergus seemed to share my feelings and we both shared a small laugh before the Captain began the informal ceremony.

Before I knew it, Fergus was kissing me and apparently, we were now officially hand fast. I had no ring, no wedding dress, and my family weren’t here, but I felt so ecstatically happy. Fergus was mine. And I was his. 

Fergus pulled me below deck to find our cabin that I only now realised we would be sharing. My stomach did a summersault at the thought and my smile grew wider. I dinna think Fergus was thinking of anything other than getting me away from the leers of some of the rougher sailors. And he was probably fretting about what Da would say when he found me aboard the ship. 

“Dinna fash, Fergus.” I said as we walked into our cabin. Grabbing his face between both of my hands I told him “Da willna be able to do anything about it once we’ve set off. And he’ll come ‘round to the idea of us together. Once he sees how happy you make me, how could he not?”

That seemed to calm him down a bit.

“Aye, Marsali. You’re probably right.” But he still had a crease of worry between his eyebrows that I longed to smooth out. “It’s just – I can’t help but feel as if I have deceived milord. I should feel sick to my stomach at what I’ve done and yet…” he trailed off, finally looking into my eyes and a smile lighting up his face. “I can’t help but feel ridiculously happy at the fact that we are together now.” He leant in to give me a sweet kiss. I kissed him back with all the passion and joy I felt and suddenly the kiss became a lot more heated, his lips more insistent – it made my toes curl and my hands gripped his lovely curls harder. 

But like always, he stopped it from going any further. I was breathing heavily, my forehead pressed to his. “Why did you stop?” I asked, unable to keep the frustration from my voice. 

He laughed a breathy laugh. “I will not lie with you Marsali until milord gives us his blessing.”

I rolled my eyes at that but at the same time smiled up at my honourable, soon-to-be husband. That made my heart leap.

“Damn ye and yer stubbornness, Fergus. Sometimes I wish ye’d be a bit less honourable when it came to me.”

The look he gave me when I said that made me feel like he wanted nothing more than to completely devour me this instant. “Believe me, ma Cherie. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.” He briefly pressed his lips into mine once more before pulling back completely.

His hair was dishevelled and his lips red. It gave me an unusual amount of pleasure to know that I had done that to him and could bring that desperate look to his eyes. 

“Now,” he said, “we had best go back on deck and wait for the ship to set sail before confronting milord and milady.” 

At that, we both went up on deck and found an out-of-the-way spot to hide until the time was right. I was more than content to stay in the circle of Fergus’ arms as the ship gently rocked us on the waves, taking us farther and farther away from everything I had ever known.


End file.
